Dot numero dos
Living with Juliana was the complete opposite of living with Mike and Alyssa. I love them and would not be here without them, but they were messy. There were shoes all over the apartment and dishes constantly in the sink even though we had a dishwasher. Jules is a Virgo, so she’s a neat freak. The apartment was never messy, she was quiet, and down for any activity. At the end of June 2020 we spontaneously road tripped to Big Sur for the weekend. In August we took a weekend trip to Yosemite. After living with two people who never go out, this was such a breath of fresh air. This was the life I wanted to live, finally! The Yosemite trip changed my perspective on so many things, but especially death. It seems like we are all raised to fear the unknown when we should embrace it. On the first day we planned to hike to North Dome. It would be approximately 10 miles round trip and there was an optional pop off to this arch called Indian Rock. We planned to microdose mushrooms, but I unintentionally took too much and saw cartoons. My legs felt like they weighed 100lbs, every step was a struggle, and I was rushing myself for no reason. I kept saying we had to get there at a specific time and Juliana replied “why? why do we need to rush? enjoy the hike, we can take a lot of breaks.” And that we did. I probably took a break every 100 ft and she was so patient. We decided to hike up to Indian Rock before moving on to North Dome. I swear when we got up to Indian Rock we were in a different dimension. It felt like we were there for hours and didn’t see another soul. She was somehow able to facetime her mom from the rock to wish her a happy birthday. We spoke of life, death, and everything in between. Juliana changed my entire perspective on death that day. It isn’t something to be feared, it is a reward after a long, tiring life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, but it’s hard. This conversation shaped the way that I look at a lot of things and I know it happened during this time period for a reason.
The remainder of 2020 was spent taking trips to Lake Tahoe, Big Bear, and a few other local places. I continued to work for Jobe Roofing, but felt restless again. Jobe was really great at hyping me up for the future, but my career felt a little stagnant. I was sitting on the balcony one night letting my mind wander and suddenly the thought went out: “hey universe, this experience has been incredible, but I’m ready for more growth.” I immediately thought, “oh fuck what did I just do?” but doubled down. Whatever was coming would be worth it in the end because everything always turns out better than you could have imagined. This next “Tower moment” would be unlike anything that I had ever experienced and to date has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to go through. When things fall apart so spectacularly, it’s just the universe helping put you into alignment for your soul’s purpose.
